Hey guys! I have been reading a wonderful book called “Uninvited”, and I thought that I would share my thoughts on one particular chapter. This chapter called “When our Normal Gets Snatched” discusses how much the author does not like change. If a grocery trip goes wrong or if tea got spilled in the car, she is simply not having it.
The extreme pity she felt for a woman who had her bag stolen from her in the middle of a store came from her own personal annoyances and inconveniences that occurred throughout the day in her own life, and she wished that she could also run screaming down the road, chasing the bad guy every time an event went south that she didn’t plan on occurring, just as the victim at the store hadn’t.
This reminded me of all of the changes that I am currently battling. For one, I did NOT expect these headaches. Though I thought I had discovered the issue at hand, they still linger each and every day, which has led me down a path of endless possibilities as to what it could be. However, the whole point is that I HATE change. Yes, “hate” is a strong word. The reality is that the headaches alter my ability to do several things, such as homework or studying, and then on top of it, at one point I was dreading even getting out of bed in the mornings, terrified that I’d have another headache.
Thinking about the past years, I have had friendships abruptly end, because people chose to take themselves out of them for whatever reason (of course both parties likely had some blame), and there was nothing that I could do but be upset and loathe what was no longer. Change can scar, and it seems that I have about 100 scar marks from various situations that seem to have determined how I am to live my life. When change strikes that is out of my control, I tend to want to make drastic measures in order to make myself feel better,such as a shopping trip, or a dash to the gym. I use temporary pleasures to mask a decade or more of pain, and this is unhealthy.
Aside from that, I have struggled with trying to determine what my future holds, where I need to go, when I should move, what will make moving the easiest, what career I need to pursue and WHY. My friends recently moved (a change I was NOT prepared for)and it led me down that pursuit of trying to find myself, you know, a pre-mid life crisis on top of everything else. The truth is, change is not discriminatory, and is something that we can never escape. How we choose to handle change is up to us.
With all of this being said, I have actually found ways throughout the abrupt changes to practice more self care, and just taking more time on reflecting and celebrating all of the things that have NOT changed, despite changes that seem to always go against me (key word: seem). I always think that I don’t have things to celebrate in the midst of waiting for change or thinking about change, but I do. I have shelter,I have food. I have essential oils that keep me grounded (shameless plug), and I have documentaries that make me happy during downtime. I found my passion for books again, and have read many books for leisure since then. I have a fun job at a daycare, and an understanding boss at that. I could go on, but I’ve managed to find some good in all of the bad, and that’s all I came here to say. The headaches, as twisted as this may sound, have given me more motive and incentive to rest, and to make sure that I eat properly. I am more likely to go out and do something new on the days where they are manageable, meaning that I’m taking full advantage of my time and exploring a bit more. And in the meantime, I have reassurance that in the end, things will work out, I have God and my hummus and I can’t complain. I’m trying to feel the heat in an ice storm, but it’s actually working. This book is relatable, and I enjoy hearing how similar her experiences are to mine, and in the process, I’m learning to live loved, to love God, and to chill. Out. He’s got this.